A Healthier Approach to the Education and Family Relationships of Asian Americans
By: Daniel Song
Introduction
Asia is made up of several large nations. Many East Asian countries are built from a rigorous education system; even today, some children are only able to rest from “2am, and rise in the morning at 6.30am” (Chakrabarti). From a parent's perspective, it can be viewed as a key to their child's future success and stability. For Asian American children, managing education can be difficult, resulting in strained family relationships, especially when parents adopt strict, high-pressure approaches. However, a better balance between education and family is possible, allowing both parents and children to have supportive relationships.
Many Asian American children feel a strain in their relationship with their parents due to educational pressures | Wang Gang/for China Daily
Understanding the Pressure
In Asian cultures, academic success is frequently associated with family honor. Growing up in America and being surrounded by its culture which does not tie academic success to family honor, Asian Americans frequently face misunderstandings with their parents. Furthermore, in many East Asian countries, there is a single test which serves as a determinant for what college students will be attending, whether it be the Gaokao in China or CSAT in Korea. And in these nations, a good college education is generally the only method of social mobility or at bare minimum, achieving a stable job.
This difference between American and Asian cultures frequently contributes to parents having high expectations for their children, and though these expectations are formed from the parents’ desire for their children's future success, for the child, it can be stressful and pressure-filled at times. Asian American children may feel caught between their parents' expectations and their own identity. The tension, stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy that come as a result for both parties can put a strain on the parent-child relationship.
The conflict between traditional Asian culture and American culture may result in many disputes for Asian American children | Mangkorn Danggura from Shutterstock
Importance of Communication
Open communication is usually the first step toward a healthier lifestyle. Open communication can be defined as honest and mindful communication. Parents can benefit from understanding their children's points of view, as well as recognizing that the academic pressure and high expectations they impose on their children has a different meaning in the context of cultures outside of East Asia. For the children, open communication will help them understand the reason they may feel such immense pressures relating to their academic success. And through this open and honest conversation, Asian American children and their parents are able to fill the cultural gaps that still exist in Asian American families.
Open communication is important for Asian American children to understand their parents' perspective, but also for parents to understand the perspective of the child | China Global Television Network
Fostering Emotional Support
Everyone is emotional at times and children in particular may require emotional support. Children's brains are not fully developed, unlike the brains of adults, and they cannot withstand high pressures. While adults may have more emotional experiences than children, parents must realize that their children may be physically incapable of handling the same pressures as they are able to. Instead of pressuring their children, parents can create an environment in which they feel loved and supported, rather than judging them on their academic performance. So a healthier approach can be supporting a child mentally and emotionally to balance the relationship and at the same time both being healthy and happy.
Children's brains are not fully developed and therefore cannot handle the same pressures than an adult may be able to handle | National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke
Embracing a Growth Mindset
If a child scores low on a test, most parents would scold their children and tell them not to make the same mistake again. This will motivate the child to recover from a bad grade, but it will also gradually create a crack in the relationship. Instead, a path that requires more family bonding and motivation is recommended. It has been stated that “supportive relationships are a key protective factor against poor mental health in children” (Butler). If parents want the best for their children, it is important to understand that emotional support is one of the factors that children need instead of scolding. It is critical for children to see mistakes as opportunities for personal growth and development. When parents’ encouragement and advice influences their children, they will develop a more balanced and positive attitude toward education. This approach also reduces the fear of failure, which is a common source of stress for students in high-pressure environments.
Embracing a growth mindset is crucial for parents and children in order to maintain a healthy relationship | Borax.com
Conclusion
Ultimately, the goal of balancing and allowing for academic achievement without jeopardizing family relationships is achievable. However, finding a balance requires both parents and children to have a mature mindset and understanding. Parents must ensure that their children are loved and that their mindset is on the path that they want for them, rather than allowing that desire to leak and turn into a true failure. While academic success may appear promising and prosperous, the true treasure is the child’s mental health and happiness. Children, in turn, should not always compare other parents to other parents and should be understanding of their parents' high expectations, which stem from a genuine love and concern for their children's future. A healthier approach to education and family relationships in Asian American families includes open communication, emotional support, and a growth mindset. By using these methods and focusing on each topic, families can help their children achieve their academic and real-life goals.
References:
Chakrabarti, Reeta. South Korea's schools: Long days, high results. Reeta Chakrabarti, 2013. bbc.com, https://www.bbc.com/news/education-25187993. Accessed 1 9 2024.
Butler, Nadia, et al. The Contributing Role of Family, School, and Peer Supportive Relationships in Protecting the Mental Wellbeing of Children and Adolescents. School Ment Health, 2022. National Library of Medicine, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8818094/. Accessed 1 9 2024.
